'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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