Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I CAN MOONWALK!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
