i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
