His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Randomize
