She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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