Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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