I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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