What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
