So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
