I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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