its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
