For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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