Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize