I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
