Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
