Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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