4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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