Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
