OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And then he peed in my hair
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