I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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