My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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