just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
