i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
