i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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