This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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