I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
