He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
