stop calling my apartment porn island.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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