community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
