there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
