I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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