what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
