I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No subtext here. People are naked.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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