apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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