Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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