Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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