just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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