Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
