I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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