we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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