If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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