how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
