when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
