I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
