That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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