tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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