What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
