thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
