i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
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You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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