Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize