I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
