It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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