I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
