Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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