as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
