She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
