i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
