i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
