I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
