Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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