I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Where is the hickey?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
