Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
