i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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