no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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