And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
