When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
