Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
