If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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