Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
