dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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