from now on my penis is your penis
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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