haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I lost the right to judge tonight
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
